Alright, let's get one thing straight: this whole "retailers flooding the web with AI-targeted content" thing? It stinks of desperation.

AI Snake Oil: $3K a Month to Appease the Robot Gods?

The AI Hype Train: All Aboard for Suckerville? So, the big brains in marketing finally figured out that ChatGPT and Gemini are the new gatekeepers to our wallets. We’re talking about companies now churning out *hundreds* of blog posts a month just to appease the algorithm gods? Give me a break. It's like watching a bunch of lemmings sprint off a cliff, except instead of furry rodents, it's Brooks Brothers and goddamn Banana Republic. And they expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly... Brian Stempeck, some CEO at Evertune.ai, is out here charging clients "around $3,000" a month to make their sites "discoverable by large language models." Translation: he's selling snake oil to the gullible. And these "AI-only websites, intended to be read solely by AI scrapers"? Seriously? They’re building digital Potemkin villages for robots. What a colossal waste of resources. What if, and I'm just spitballing here, they spent that money on, you know, *improving* their actual products or customer service? Offcourse, that makes too much sense.

AI-Influencer Hype: Marketing's New Low?

Influencers and AI: A Match Made in Marketing Hell Then there's the influencer angle. Brooklinen is paying these social media parrots to squawk about their bath towels so AI scrapers can regurgitate the info. It's like a digital game of telephone, except the message is "buy this overpriced crap." Rachel Levy, Brooklinen's COO, admits that traffic from AI is "super small" because Gen Z doesn't have the buying power. So, they're optimizing for a future that might not even exist? That's some next-level delusion right there. I used to use Brooklinen, but the sheets started pilling after only a few washes. A $200 comforter shouldn't look like it's been through a goddamn warzone after six months. Maybe instead of chasing AI, they should focus on making products that don't fall apart. And let's not forget Amazon's Alexa. R+Co is buying ads based on what people are asking Alexa. It's like eavesdropping on your customers' conversations and then shoving ads down their throats. Real subtle, guys. But wait... are we sure this AI-driven traffic is actually *valuable*? Adobe Analytics says AI shoppers are 30% more likely to buy. But does that mean they're buying *more* stuff, or just clicking "add to cart" on the same garbage they would've bought anyway? 44 NEW Artificial Intelligence Statistics (Oct 2025) I'm just saying, correlation ain't causation. It's like when I tried that new "brain-boosting" supplement that was supposed to make me a genius. All it did was give me the runs.

AI Shopping: Desperate or Just Plain Dumb?

The Future is AI? Or Just More Bullshit? Google and Meta are "doubling down on AI-powered commerce features." So, what? We're supposed to be impressed? These are the same companies that track our every move and sell our data to the highest bidder. Now they want to control how we shop, too? Meta's "flexible media" lets AI repurpose assets across placements. Sounds like a recipe for ad fatigue, if you ask me. And their "omnichannel ads" are supposed to optimize for purchases online or in-store? I'll believe it when I see it. The real kicker? Poshmark is teaming up with Perplexity AI to offer free shipping if you use some obscure "Comet browser". It's like they're not even trying to hide the fact that they're desperate for attention. Poshmark Taps Into Google, Perplexity Partnerships To Boost Brand Visibility In AI Experiences Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe AI really *is* the future of retail. Maybe we'll all be shopping through chatbots in a few years, and I'll be the old man yelling at the cloud. But I doubt it. So, What's the Real Story? This whole AI shopping craze is just another way for retailers to squeeze every last penny out of us. It's a shiny new distraction from the fact that most of their products are overpriced and poorly made. I'll stick to shopping the old-fashioned way: with my eyes open and my wallet firmly shut.