Nairobi's Nightmare: When Diplomacy Goes Broke

Alright, let's get this straight. South Sudan's embassy in Nairobi getting padlocked because they couldn't cough up nine grand a month? Seriously? This ain't some rinky-dink lemonade stand we're talking about; it's a freaking embassy.

It's like your deadbeat uncle showing up to Thanksgiving dinner asking you for cash. Embarrassing doesn't even begin to cover it.

The Price of Incompetence

So, the landlord boots them out. Can you blame the guy? A year of unpaid rent? I’d have changed the locks months ago. Then you have Edmund Yakani, some "civil society leader," whining about how "disturbing, discouraging and embarrassing" this is. Well, duh! What did you expect? Free rent forever?

Yakani says Kenya is a "strategic country" for South Sudan. No kidding. Maybe they should, oh, I don't know, pay their bills then? It’s not rocket science.

And then there's the South Sudanese government's response: downsizing embassies to cut costs. Downsizing? How about actually managing your finances? I mean, come on. It's like trying to fix a leaky faucet with duct tape when the whole plumbing system is about to collapse.

I saw another article about an art auction in Nairobi raking in millions. Thirty million shillings. And this embassy can't scrape together $9,000? Priorities, people! Art lovers spend Sh30m a night at Nairobi auction

A Tangled Web of Problems

South Sudan is blaming it on years of civil war and corruption. Okay, valid points. But how long are they going to use that excuse? At some point, you gotta take responsibility. It's like blaming your bad credit score on that one time you bought a questionable timeshare in Florida.

Ninety percent of their revenue comes from oil. So, where's all that oil money going? I have a hunch, and it ain't going to landlords in Nairobi.

Meanwhile, I was trying to read another article about some Nairobi official collapsing in court because he was facing jail time, but the website blocked me! Said it was a "security service" protecting it from online attacks. What the hell? What did I do? I wasn't even trying to hack into anything. Maybe I just triggered some algorithm with my brilliant prose. Offcourse, I'm kidding. Probably.

Anyway...back to the embassy fiasco. South Sudan’s Nairobi embassy closes due to unpaid rent

The Bigger Picture

Apuk Ayuel, spokesperson for South Sudan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, couldn’t be reached for comment. Surprise, surprise. Probably hiding under a rock, hoping this whole thing blows over. Newsflash, buddy: it won't.

Here's the real kicker: diplomats not getting paid for months. Months! How are they supposed to, you know, diplomat when they're worried about feeding their families? It’s like sending soldiers to war without bullets.

I wonder if the BAPS folks who were in Nairobi for that drug prevention summit offered to help. They seem to have their act together, launching declarations and visiting temples. Maybe South Sudan should take some notes.

This is Beyond a Joke

It's a complete and utter failure of governance. A national embarrassment played out on the streets of Nairobi, Kenya. And honestly, what's the solution here? Another bailout? More empty promises? I don't even know anymore.